Matty Bipolar II Journal: 11/14/2010

Today's red dot is more of me trying to be positive then an accurate depiction of where I am. I have been in the depression stage for 7 days now, about to be 8 days. My normal depression stage usually lasts 2 days. I received news this week and a friend of mine died on Monday, that news along with money stress and lack of a social life has increased the length of this current depression stage.

I was able to decrease my depression a little, hence why I didn't put the red dot in the middle, by coming up with a plan to relieve my money stress and get serious about saving money for my Scottrade account so that I can trade stocks again. My lease is over in the middle of January and my brother's lease is over at the end of February. I am going to move to my parents house in the beginning of January to save some money and at the end of February or April (depending on how much money I have) we will move to Westminster area with my friend Jeramy and find a three bedroom house/condo/apartment for rent. This will lower all of our monthly costs, personally it will cut mine in half. We already know that the three of us get along well and I think it would be the best move for everyone. I will miss living in Denver though, I love my apartment now and will miss it. My plan is to move back to Denver when I am working full time as a Daytrader and can afford the cost of living.

I am hoping this depression stage ends soon. I can fight 2 days, but not 7. I actually stopped fighting the depression after the 4th day. Right now I am just doing my best to wait it out and distract myself with work, TV shows, and movies until it blows over.

Matty Bipolar II Journal: 11/02/2010

My manic stage was very short, less then 12 hours this cycle and my normal stage was short also. I got thrown into a depression stage last night without being able to prepare for it. But, in all of that I accidentally found something that helps make the depression stage easier to deal with. On Monday I only got 3 hours of sleep and was going to see Saw 3D with my brother Adam and friend Jeramy. So, when I woke up I was obviously very tired and picked up an energy drink. I don't normally drink them because of the sugar, but I got a sugar free Monster. What happened was my energy was increased of course, but what I wasn't expecting is that my mood increased also and I didn't have to fight my mind as hard. It felt like a faux manic stage inside my depression, making me almost normal. It is a weird sensation to feel both at the same time. I didn't know I was in the depression stage until after the energy drink wore off. I though I was still in my manic stage and was just tired from lack of sleep. After the energy drink wore off I got depressed and realized that my manic and normal stages were just short and I was in a depression stage. The energy drink tricked my body into thinking I was manic and helped offset the depression enough to be manageable. I am going to test this theory on my next depression when I can better prepare for it.

The caffeine is obviously what is giving me the energy. But, it also has Taurine, Ginseng, and B vitamins which are all good for Bipolar people to have since we usually go though our B vitamins faster then normal people. So, if you don't like the idea of having an energy drink then I would suggest picking up a B complex vitamin and some Ginseng to add to your daily vitamin regimen.

I have had an energy drink tonight at work. I woke up depressed and was depressed until I got an energy drink. Now I am feeling pretty good and the mental fatigue is not as bad since I don't have to constantly fight with myself. This looks like it might be a good solution and is giving me a feeling of a huge weight off my shoulders. This is the happiest I have ever been during a depression. ;p