Thursday, June 2, 2011

Matty Bipolar II Journal: 06/02/2011



My Bipolar depressions usually only last a day, maybe two. Sometimes outside sources like stress or events can trigger a depression and my Bipolar will exploit it, feed off it, and make it last longer. I have enough energy to fight it for 3 days, today is the 4th day...After 3 days my mind gives up and just accepts the depressive thoughts and all I can do is wait until the chemicals balance out and the depression goes away on its own.

I have been trying to figure out a way to explain what my chemical bipolar depression feels like...I think I found a description that is close enough to give you an idea of the emotions and thoughts involved. Imagine it is the middle of the night and you are 10 years old, small, insecure, scared, and against a huge brick wall. Your surrounded by a handful of people (men and women) twice your size and they are pointing, laughing, calling you names, and exploiting every flaw and fear you have. Now imagine those feelings and thoughts repeating over and over constantly, 24/7. That is what my Bipolar depression dips are like. I can fight that for about 3 days, after that I run out of mental energy and give up fighting it. Then its just a waiting game

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