Life is hard, a lesson that many ignore or avoid in the hopes that it is not true. Acceptance is also hard, although the acceptance of others is easier then acceptance of one's self.
In my exploration of manic and depression I have found that through will power a person can fight the urges and thoughts to minimize the affects of manic or depression. There is a problem with this approach that I realized this week. Fighting yourself can be counter productive, although it helps for the short term, it is also helping you avoid the real problems that are contributing to the manic or depression. There will always have to be some mental fighting that is still needed for the short term, just make sure that it is only for the short term. I think for most people, when we find something that works then it is easier to just do that one thing or increase it for a stronger effect instead of finding the best solution. Easier does not mean better, the best solution for any problem is usually more difficult then most of the solutions you can choose from.
Here is example, this is what I figured out this month. During my last depression stage a friend of mine had died unexpectedly and that prolonged my depression to 12 days instead of the normal 2 days I usually deal with. I found out after 3 days of constantly fighting my depression that the mental fatigue was too high to handle and by the 4th day I had given up the fight and accepted the depression for what it was and only fought untrue thoughts when they happened instead of fighting the depression as a whole. This acceptance made the depression much easier to handle for the long term and also decreased my mental fatigue. After the depression was over and I was able to think clearly again I started to examine the difference between the short term and long term fight.
The first thing I analyzed were the untrue thoughts that I am constantly fighting during my depression. My reason for this line of thinking is that if I can fix the core problems that my mind wants to attach too then my mind cannot use them against me to explain a depression caused by Bipolar and has no reason. Some of the untrue thoughts that my mind likes to attach too are:
1) You're fat and no woman wants to be with a fat man because it disgusts them.
2) You're ugly and the only people that associate with you only do it out of pity.
3) You're poor and the only way women will look past your physical ugliness is if you're rich.
Of course I know that these thoughts make no logical sense and that is why they are called "untrue" thoughts. My mind is dealing with a depression caused by Bipolar and therefore has no reason, so my mind will try to explain the depression by feeding on past experiences that have caused depression. The reason my mind will try to accept these untrue thoughts is because there is a small amount of truth to them and the best lies that are the most convincing are the lies that are sprinkled with a little truth. The truths that sprinkle those untrue thoughts are:
1) Yes I am a big guy, but I am not fat because I am an active person and enjoy getting out of the house. Although there are many women out there that will only be with guys that have 10% body fat or less, they are usually self absorbed bitches with zero interesting personality traits. Most of the women out there that have personalities that I am attracted too do not care about the fact that I am a bigger then average guy. In fact, the opposite is usually true and most women enjoy the fact that I am a big guy. It makes me a "Teddy Bear" and the most comfortable snuggler in the world.
2) The way humans interpret beauty is associated with symmetry. The more symmetrical a person's face is, the more people will find them attractive. I do not have a very symmetrical face and although this means that I won't ever be a Calvin Kline model, it does not mean that I am ugly. Actually, I think that I am quite cute and attractive in my own way.
3) I am not poor, actually I get paid pretty well. The reason I don't have a lot of money to spend is because I am saving it to build my Scottrade account so that I can Daytrade again.
To make a long story short, instead of fighting my thoughts, I have decided to accept my flaws. It is good to take care of my health, but I don't have to be constantly wanting to look like the next Calvin Kline underwear model. If I can't accept myself then how can I expect others to accept me? It may take some time, but I have already started accepting my physical appearance and knowing that my personality and other abilities make me a much more attractive man to women then my physical appearance. How can I expect a woman to want to be with me if I cannot love myself?
I am growing and becoming more comfortable with myself. This will help me more during my Bipolar waves, I won't have to fight my mind as much. We will see what happens on the next depression stage. Life is hard, a lesson that many ignore or avoid in the hopes that it is not true. Acceptance is also hard, although the acceptance of others is easier then acceptance on one's self.
One of the things that I've recently become interested in is the "philosophical" idea of determinism. I'm mostly interested in the concepts of "genetic" and "social" determinism, and how they apply to a how a person's life is and will be.
ReplyDeleteJust a brief lesson if you're unfamiliar: Determinism basically says that freewill, as we people like to think of it, does not exist. We can choose the small things, such as whether or not to be a vegetarian, eat at McDonald's, or drink a Mountain Dew. But when it comes to big things: I want to be a millionaire, cure cancer, or become a fighter pilot, we usually have very little say in those areas of our lives.
Take the Fighter pilot, for example. Fighter pilots have to meet a host of criteria, even to be accepted to the training program: must have an atypically high level of intellectual ability, meet certain body weight standards, have zero to few genetic abnormalities, must be able to see in color and have near perfect vision/hearing, must have at least a Bachelor's degree... the list goes on and on.
Essentially, if you're black, from Mississippi, born to a poor family, with parents who either barely graduated or didn't graduate from high school, your chances of becoming a fighter pilot, even if it is your life's dream, are so slim they might as well be non-existent. This particular person that I've just made up, would unfortunately have to accept the fact that He/She will never become a fighter pilot; that factors far outside of their control have forged what they will and will not become.
We all suffer from this kind of thing, some of course worse off than others. I'm better off than the average Afrikaneer, where as my friend born to a rich family is much better off than me. I'm not exactly sure about what it may be, but I do have some psychological issues that have proven to be quite detrimental to me. So much to the extent where I've tried a sort of self medication. I'm also nothing like the people that I go to school with. As much as they annoy me, the majority of them are healthy, aware, active, vital, and intelligent to an extent that completely escaped me at that age. As hard as I may wish it weren't true, there are so many things about me that I have to accept every time I wake up.
As far as women and relationships are concerned, I'm lost in that area. Believe me when I tell you that I am the pathetic antithesis of a MacDaddy of which there is no escape. Women find me about as charming as a sack of rusty nails.
Someone once said to do the best with what you have, so I'll play the hand that I've been dealt.
Thanks Tim, that falls directly in line with what I was writing. There are so many aspects about our personalities, body types, and economic circumstance that we cannot fully control. For those things we need to learn accept out limitations. But, I don't want people to accept everything as a limitation.
ReplyDeleteFor example: I don't like my body, I will try to be as healthy as I can and exercise. I will never look like a model with the perfect hot body and that I have to accept. But, I don't have to accept being unhealthy and will work towards the goal of being healthy.
Another example: I am not rich and will never be a Billionaire. I will accept the fact that I will never be Bill Gates rich, but I can do things with my budget and goals so that I can be well off and wealthy enough to do the things I want to do.
My point is that although there are things we have to accept about ourselves, we don't have to accept everything. Change the things you can to better your mind, body, and economic situation. Accept the things that are out of your control.