Depression...How does one deal with the lies that the brain tells them? It's not as though my brain hates me, it's only trying to explain as logically as possible the depression created by a lack of chemicals.
The brain will not say,
"oh, looks like my neurons are not getting as many chemical signals as normal and that's why I'm depressed."
Instead, the brain will say,
"okay, since there cannot be anything wrong with me, I guess there is something outside that is affecting my mood. Its probably stress. Nah, I think it's because you are fat and no one can love you unless you look like an underwear model, yeah that's it. Or maybe it's because you don't have the money to day trade your stocks. Oh, no I got it, you were in an accident and life has been shitty with one thing after another for the past few months. Yep, it has to be stress, it can't be chemicals."
This has been a long depression dip so far. Although I am on my way out of it, the depression has lasted 8 days now. Stress didn't cause the depression, but it did prolong it. My normal depression dips, when I am not affected by outside sources, will last about 3 days or less. 3 days is not to hard to deal with, I am able to mentally fight it until the chemicals increase and pull me out. But, if something is affecting my stress level or is emotional then it will lengthen the depression once I am in it. By the 4th day I start to get mentally fatigued and begin to give into the negative thoughts that my brain is bombarding me with. By the 6th day I give up fighting myself, I am mentally worn out, and my patience is lessened. For the rest of the time after that I am quiet and just trying to survive another day as I wait for the rebound to happen. Today is the 8th day, yesterday sucked and I had zero patience. Today is not as bad because I started the rebound and my brain is not attacking me with negative thoughts as often, which is allowing myself to have moments of levity that has been very welcome.
No comments:
Post a Comment