I got out of my depression dip yesterday and in past observations, as long as I don't have outside stress, my stages are about 2 days each. As you can see from my crude picture, I am normal right now and expecting to move into manic by the weekend.
I am getting better at dealing with the depression dip. Since I currently don't have anything major in my life to be depressed about, my mind will try to create reasons for the feeling. The same thing happens in a dream state, the brain has to have an explanation for unexplained events. If you put someone into a hypnotic state and ask them about their past life the subconscious will treat the question as it would in a dream and create a answer that is plausible. This is why a person put into a hypnotic state multiple times will learn more about their past life, because when asked again about their past life the brain will build on the original story it came up with to answer the new questions. So, when my brain is not producing enough Dopamine and slides into a chemical depression the brain will try to explain it by making up plausible stories. To fight this phenomenon I will constantly question my thoughts and come up with reasons why that plausible story cannot be true. This stops my brain from falling deeper into the depression keeping it mild, but it takes a lot of mental energy to keep it up. Because of that I become extremely mentally fatigued and everything else I have to think about (conversations, trouble shooting computers at work, and other normal activities) become slower. It is just like a computer running slow because too many programs are running at the same time and over taxing the CPU. I just have to keep up the mental battle for a couple of days until the Dopamine levels increase and pull me out of the depression. Although it drains my energy away, it is better then allowing my mind to accept the depressed thoughts which would throw me into a deeper depression making me lethargic. Also, if I allow the untrue depressed thoughts to take hold then my anger would increase and I don't like to feel angry, especially for no reason. So, I may be mentally drained, but I am not angry or as lethargic as I could be.
In my last entry, Intro and Description, I mentioned that my sex drive decreases during my depressions. I talked about how my motivation goes away and I won't initiate sex, but would be okay if someone else initiates it. Well, I was talking to someone that pointed out to me that there have been many times that I still did not get in the mood even after she initiated sex while I was depressed. This observation made me rethink my position. I am just now starting to understand my depression cycle and in the past did not understand what was going on, that mixed with the other stresses may have made my motivation even less then it is in my current depressions. I think that because I have now understood the depression side enough to fight it, I may not have a motivation level that was as low as it was before. I think that if I had a woman initiated sex during my depression now I would accept it better then I did in the past. But, I have not tested this theory yet so I cannot say for sure. For now I am going to have to take back what I said before and not say that I would definitely be all about it if a woman initiates sex during my depression. Until I am offered the opportunity to test it in reality with my newly developed counter actions.
I still have some more work to do on my depression stages and only get 2 days a week to do that. At the moment though I am pretty confident in my ability to fight the depression and keep it pretty mild. Manic counter action is a different story. I am still having a difficult time dealing with my manic stages. The reason it is easier to counter act the depression is because my mind is running slower and I have time to fight it. The manic stage is the opposite, my mind is racing quickly as if I am in a temporary ADHD state and I have not figured out how to slow down my thought processes enough to mentally fight my Hypersexual thoughts and actions. Also, unlike the negative feelings of depression that anyone would want to fight, the manic stage is very happy and feels fun for the most part. That makes it harder to fight. Who wants to be less happy and less sexual? I have another day or so until my manic stage starts and I am working on a couple of different theories to counter act it. We will see what happens!
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